Look what I made!

Yes! I made ribs! I'm proud of myself.
Furthermore, it only took an hour. The meat was STILL falling off the bone.
As this is NOT my recipe, the real recipe can be found HERE. I think their recipe had a little bit better sauce than mine does because the stupid broiler set off the smoke alarm after three minutes. I wasn't too impressed with that, but really, how often am I going to use the smoke alarm?
Anyway... AMAAAAAZING.

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...

So, if I still have any readers, you may have noticed my absence. Or maybe not. I am prone to disappearing occasionally. So here are my excuses.
Excuse number one: I moved recently.
Excuse number two: I've been busy. (No, not really.)
Excuse number three: I haven't done anything new. (Flat out lie.)
The truth: I just keep forgetting. I forget to take pictures of my food because I forget about my blog. By the time I remember, I've either eaten the food or I've mangled it beyond the point where it's at all photogenic.
So, here's what you've missed that I don't have pictures of; stuffed peppers, cod with browned butter (it was amazing), pulled pork (AMAAAAZING! I promise I'll make it again and take pictures this time), lactose-intolerant/carnivore stuffed shells, etc.
Recipes may or may not show up when these things cycle back around. Or I could post them soon because I do write this stuff down. The stuffed peppers weren't my cup of meat (and rice), but I've been informed that they were very good.
So, tonight I finally remembered to take a photo. It's a crappy photo, but a photo nonetheless and I suppose it kind of gets the point across.


Care to guess what it is?

Pork Chops with Applesauce
Serves 2.

2 pork chops (or other cut of pork)
1 Macintosh apple
1 1/2 cups apple cider, divided
cinnamon
allspice
nutmeg
cloves
thyme

Directions:
1. Core and dice apple (whether you skin it or not is up to you, I left the skin on), place in a frying pan with 1/2 cup of apple cider.
2. Add alllll spices and herbs (and 1 tbsp butter if you're not lactose intolerant or cooking for someone lactose intolerant).
3. Cook down until apples are mushy and mash with a potato masher. Add remaining cider and wait until it bubbles decently.
4. Add pork! Cook thoroughly, while rotating sides periodically and covering with applesauce. (By the end there will be very little applesauce remaining.)
5. Serve hot.

I served this with a mix of noodles and vegetables (which is apparently not a great pairing). I was slightly disappointed in this dish, overall, because the applesauce was fantastic but pork doesn't exactly infuse nicely with flavor the way beef does. At least, not in my experience.
So, I don't think I'd make this again. I'll always make apple sauce, I just don't want to make pork. Unless it's bacon.
So, here's a pretty pretty distraction that was lurking around on my camera:


Mmmm, pretty sandwich. Mozzarella, basil leaves, and cherry tomato grilled sammy (on oat bread). I could go for one now, that would make me forgive the stupid pork.

We're-Out-of-Food Soup and Pillsbury Got Something Right.

So, in the week preceding the move to a different state (where there are hopefully more jobs, especially given the fact that something like 400 people were rendered jobless in this area because of tropical storm Irene), I've been lamenting my food situation. For the last time, I hope.
Having been without power for a few days, I got a chance to do a lot of stove-top cooking. There were some seriously messed up fajitas (I went crazy with the rooster sauce), some aaaawesome applesauce (best eaten warm), and this:
Carolyn and I had been talking about making a chicken soup for a long time, but couldn't agree whether to have noodles or not, and whether or not potatoes should be included. Ultimately we decided to use penne (which, as it turns out, are the perfect noodles for soup), and no potatoes. The potatoes were lamentably mushy. As experimental as this was, I feel that it turned out wonderfully.

Power Outage Chicken Soup
Serves ~8 (we managed to get three meals each out of this, but they were big bowls)

2 chicken breasts, thawed (in the brief time that you DO have power) and cut into small pieces
2 onions, diced
4 stalks celery, halved and diced
4 carrots, sliced into disks
1 box chicken broth (its SUPPOSED to smell like dragon farts, I've been told)
1 cup water
1 1/2 cups dry penne
oregano
basil
black pepper
butter

Directions:
1. Stomp around angrily wondering what the hell to eat.
2. Decide you're going to make chicken soup. With noodles. And utter kickassness (shut up, it's a word). Dice veggies and chicken!
3. Melt butter in the bottom of a sauce pan, adding chicken bits and stirring occasionally to cook about 3/4 of the way through.
4. Add onions and allow it to sweat for a few minutes before adding broth and water.
5. Add carrots and celery and herbify as desired. (I opted for 2 parts basil, 1 part oregano, and 1/3 part black pepper.)
6. As carrots soften slightly (I don't mean mushy here. I just mean not raw), add noodles.
7. Stir occasionally until noodles are fully cooked and remove from heat immediately.

As odd as this may seem (and I'm sure others have noticed this too), this soup is waaaay more awesome when it's been refrigerated for a few hours. It's sweet, and subtle, and mild. It isn't at all pretentious or overly bold (like beef stew, which I feel should ALWAYS punch you in the face like an angry Irishman), it's just right for a quiet day when the whole world seems like its about to drown. And don't worry about having extra broth, the noodles will drink it up and then you'll worry about having too little liquid.

Okay, so. Power comes back on after that, doing the infamous on and off thing, just as I become confident that it will stay on. Eventually it does actually stay on, so we opt to bake (because we made mom buy butter... because we wanted to bake).
This recipe is from an old Pillsbury cookbook that belong to my grandmother. As much as I hate Pillsbury's products CURRENTLY, I adore this cookbook, and it gets a lot of action in general baking in this house. I'm pretty sure my mom has made these cookies before, but we hadn't had them since, and I wanted cookies.
They're pretty damn glorious, by the way.
By this point, things seemed fine at home, and I had no idea what the rest of the state looked like aside from rumors from mom, and videos she showed us on her iPhone (via Facebook). So cookies felt like a big victory dance. Yeah. Victory didn't last long.

Pillsbury Drop Butter Cookies (pg. 157)
Makes 45-48 cookies

1 cup sugar or firmly packed brown sugar
3/4 cup butter, softened (Ignore them when they say margarine.)
1/4 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla (I did almost double this, and it was AWESOME)
1 egg
2 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt

Directions: (verbatim)
Heat oven to 375°F. In large bowl, combine first 5 ingredients; blend well. Stir in remaining ingredients; blend well. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls, 1 inch apart onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 375°F for 9 to 12 minutes or until lightly browned. Immediately remove from cookie sheet.

Okay, so there are just a few problems with this. Firstly, these are delicate cookies, and there is a very fine line between perfect and overdone. My recommendation is to cook these cookies for about 10 minutes on a rack placed in the center of the oven. Also, don't worry too much about the size of the drops you put on the cookie sheet (or in my case, parchment paper), they don't spread out much. If you make them too big they won't cook nicely.
Anyway, here is what I got:Light, fluffy, golden brown bundles of buttery joy. My little sister described them as "sugar cookies, just better." I disagree, as they are distinctly buttery (though I'd say not buttery enough to be called a butter cookie. Shortbread is buttery enough to be called a butter cookie.) with lovely hints of vanilla.
This recipe has a lot of potential for modification. For instance, I adore rosemary shortbread cookies, but I'm not fond of hard cookies. I do like my cookies to be fluffy and slightly moist. As this cookie does have a lot in common with shortbread, I am inclined to say that it would welcome the addition of rosemary, lavender, or any other herb you chose to pair with it.
These cookies didn't even survive 12 hours in this house. Carolyn and I went crazy and ate 2/3 of the batch (and that's a conservative estimate), leaving the rest for mom and dad.

Two Recipes: I was hungry.

So, unfortunately there are no pictures this time around. I was hungry, and in focusing on the food I was planning to eat, I forgot to take pictures for you. Bummer, right?
Technically, one of those food items isn't actually food. It's a drink, because I'm hormonal and was having cravings that couldn't be denied. (That's a lie, they could be, I just didn't feel like it.) I was craving a chocolate peanut butter milkshake. However, as usual, we lack ice cream. So, I made chocolate peanut butter MILK.
(I would like to take this moment to state that blenders are AWESOME.)

Chocolate Peanut Butter Milk (because people can't figure this out on their own)
Serves 1.5

a lot of peanut butter
a lot of chocolate syrup
a lot of milk

Directions:
1. Combine and blend!

Don't you love one-step beverages? Unfortunately, now that I've discovered this, we're going to go through peanut butter reeeeeeally fast and I will no longer be on a HFCS-free diet (Hershey's Chocolate Syrup has HFCS, unfortunately. This is among the many things I love to hate about it). Add a banana and swap out the milk for soy milk and you can KIND OF pretend that it's healthy. Kind of. Not really. But we can dream, right?
Okay, so, onto something healthier.
We all know that I am a devout lover of mozzarella, yes? Well, I am. I've been drooling over this recipe for months (minus the capers, not big on capers), and decided today that I was going to roast some leftover peppers that were about to go iffy. So, in an act of bad judgment, I decided I was going to roast them over a stove burner. Like a marshmallow. (I can hear family members laughing already.) Well, let me just say that is the wrong technique and we're not going to try that again. So instead I took a different approach and ended up with something completely different from what I was aiming for.

Mixed Pepper Saute, Without Capers
Serves 2

1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1/2 green bell pepper, diced
1/2 yellow bell pepper, diced
1/4 yellow onion
2 cloves garlic, smashed and minced
black pepper
1/2 cup mozzarella, shredded
grapeseed oil

Directions:
1. Dice all peppers and toss into a lightly oiled pan on medium-high heat.
2. After about two minutes of occasional mixing, added diced onion, and sprinkle liberally with black pepper. Stir gently and then ignore it for a minute or two.
3. Smash two cloves of garlic, dicing as fine as possible. Add to the pan and stir, lowering heat to medium-low.
4. Continue moving veggies around until the garlic is aromatic and slightly cooked and golden yellow, but not brown. Brown means your garlic is burnt, and therefore terribly bitter.
5. Remove from heat, serve on two plates, and top with mozzarella as desired (you know I'm a little heavy-handed with the mozzarella), or eat plain.

Now, this is very different from Smitten Kitchen's dish in a lot of way. No vinegar, more garlic, different oil (no big deal there), no capers, and no parsley. If you don't like your food to be very garlicky, one clove of garlic is fine, but I'm a total garlic junkie. Parsley would have been a good idea, but I was winging it and didn't think of that. If I have fresh parsley to work with next time, I will definitely consider the addition. For now, I'm happy with it.
My audience (Carolyn) rated this as a "cook again" dish.
Considering that she isn't big on peppers or onions, that's a high compliment.

Stale Bread, Cupcakes, and an Explained Absence

To the few who may actually follow my little blog, you may have noticed that I've been absent for a while. Like, a month (unless that's just my imagination). A week of that absence was spent in utter tummy rebellion, resulting in my fourth stomach flu of the year thus far. Icky icky. This one takes the cake, however, for landing me in the hospital with cramps so bad that I thought my appendix burst.
Anyway, that's all you get for an explanation. I'm back now. Not dead yet.
On to fun stuff... This past weekend I played caterer for my niece's birthday party. By caterer, I mean maker of all things, decorator of cupcakes, and creative director. In other words, mom wants fancy lettering on the cupcakes, I have the right to say no. Yay me! Yay power! So, nothing terribly abnormal was served up (Alas, no experiments were done my family), but I wanted to share the cupcakes.They are, in no way remarkable or special. In fact, they're the scary Betty Crocker boxed stuff. However, I just wished to demonstrate the fact that they're PRETTY. This is not how cupcakes looked when I was given them in school and on my birthday. Parents liked to smear the frosting around to HIDE the cake. I, however, have discovered the great art of improvised piping bags (i.e. a Ziploc bag filled with frosting with one corner snipped off), and decided I wanted to make nice, neat little piles of frosting. It's prettier. It's also heavy enough that a layer of saran wrap won't pull off all the frosting. So, yay physics.
Now, with all the stressful party stuff behind me, and no real food left over (things disappeared more quickly than I thought they would), I'm back to making my own. What was left over, among various snack foods (like a bag and a half of potato chips [we had FOUR]), was about one third a loaf of French bread. Getting home this afternoon, I was STARVED. I craved that thing that I always crave. Pizza.
So, as the house is utterly devoid of other human beings, I decided to make myself a French bread pizza. Mmm. I've seen recipes for this online, and I wasn't sure that it would work with bread that had been sitting since Friday evening and was undoubtedly stale. In all honesty, the cuts in my mouth say that I should probably use fresher bread next time. I enjoyed how this tasted, despite not containing all the optimal ingredients (we're out of garlic!), and there will DEFINITELY be a next time.

French Bread Pizza Made From Leftovers
Serves 2-4.

1/3 loaf French bread, slightly stale
1 small can tomato paste
~1 cup tomato juice (yes, we have that now)
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp garlic (I was forced to use jarred, icky), diced
1/2 small yellow onion (or other onion. This could be really good with scallions...)
basil
2 cups mozzarella, grated
1/4 cup parmesan, grated

Directions:
1. Slice French bread in half and arrange on a cookie sheet.
2. Empty tomato paste into a small saucepan with tomato juice, garlic and olive oil. Stir together to thin out the tomato paste. I aimed for a thick sauce, but if you want it thinner you can add more tomato juice. DO NOT USE V8 FOR THIS. If you do, I will hunt you down and stab you with a can opener.
3. Heat tomato mixture over a low flame, adding as much basil as you like.
4. Dice the half onion, and stir into sauce, cooking for another two or three minutes.
5. Cut 1 tbsp butter into six relatively even pieces, arranging three on each half of the bread. Place in an oven heated at 400°F until butter is soft, then spread.
6. Remove tomato sauce from heat, spreading sauce over buttered bread.
7. Top liberally with mozzarella, and sprinkle with parmesan. Top with more basil.
8. Place prepared bread back in the oven (still at 400°F) for 10 to 15 minutes, or until cheese is melted and slightly bubbly.

Eating this with a fork and a knife is recommended until it cools slightly, in which case it's stable enough to pick up and eat like a very sturdy open-faced sandwich.
This recipe makes a very sweet tomato sauce, but it has great flavor and the thickness was entirely agreeable. The only downside to this was that the stale bread was not softened at all by the butter (which I had planned on) or the sauce, and left me with little cuts all inside my mouth. Furthermore, as I was hungry, I didn't really leave any for anyone else.

A Sweet Weekend Snack

It's pretty, isn't it?

Mmm, snacks.
We all love snacks, right? I know I do. I'm a notorious snacker.
This little recipe combines two things I find myself craving most: peanut butter and chocolate. However, on the plus side (the "let's feel less guilty for eating this" side), it also uses fruit! So, while reading Instructables today (about food, of course) I found myself wanting snacks. Yes, snacks. I had already had lunch and so forth and it's too early for dinner.
I wanted something sweet. Something tasty. And, of course, something with enough mass to fill me up a little bit. What I really wanted was essentially a peanut butter s'more, but we have no graham crackers (mmm, graham crackers would be good on a banana).
So, meandering around the kitchen (as I often do), I found myself gravitating towards bananas. I like bananas. They're sweet, they're fairly filling, and they make for a decent blank slate. Conveniently, bananas go well with both chocolate and peanut butter.
So, I'm not going to give you a recipe, because if you can't figure this out by the picture then you should really consider getting some help for that. (I would say try something easier, but this is about as easy as it gets. Just as easy as toast or a PB&J.)

Oven Fries with Herbs and Parmesan

Okay, so I cheated. As usual I did not follow the recipe.
Yes, this recipe is not my invention, as brilliant as it is, and has been modified to my liking. The original recipe can be found at KitchenDaily, here. Sadly (for me), theirs are so much pretty than mine. Though I have no doubt that mine are just as tasty (if less crunchy).
So, I chose to make this out of a wild craving for potatoes (it happens frequently), a fear that no one would come home to make dinner in a timely manner, and a brick of Parmesan that no one was using. Resolving to make JUST these delicious little fries (for JUST me), I journeyed to the kitchen to assault some potatoes. Unfortunately, as I started cutting into a potato, half the family showed up, which meant I had to make DINNER. Like, dinner dinner. Dinner dinner dinner.
So what, that isn't chicken, goes well with fries? Steak. I'd make a joke, but I didn't make steak fries. The steak, by the way, was a tremendous failure. Out of fiscal necessity my family freezes meat. That's not a big issue. The big issue is the big steak that was languishing in the freezer like a grizzly bear on Valium. This was a BIG steak. Not in length. The stupid thing was over an inch deep. So, upstairs to the trusty microwave, where I assume I will ruin what could generally be considered a beautiful steak.
Ten minutes of radiation-based thawing does NOTHING aside from make it slightly moist.
Oh, right, this post isn't about steak. Let's just say the steak took forever too cook and made the fries look like a lovely little blessing from wherever food-based blessings come from. They were so blessedly easy that I plan to make more tomorrow (they've been requested for lunch).
As I assume you've looked at the original recipe by now (if you haven't, please do so, just out of respect to the poster), here's my rendition:

Oven Fries with Herbs and Parmesan
Serves 4 greedy people

3 large red potatoes, cut into slim sticks
~1/3 cup grapeseed oil
3 cloves garlic, mashed and minced
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp basil
1/2 cup Parmesan, freshly grated
salt
pepper

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 425°F (I made an oopsie and set my oven to 475°F, which seems to have worked out fine). Toss potato sticks in a large bowl with oil until evenly coated. Spread potato sticks on a baking sheet in a single layer (I had overlap. Also, using wax paper may be a good idea, the fries WILL stick). Bake in the upper third of the oven (Again, I didn't listen. One of my racks is too high for my liking, the other is low, but just where I want it, so I used that), turning once or twice with a spatula (a note on technique: when your fries stick [and they will] flip the spatula over and use it like a plow), until they are golden and crispy. Should take about 30 minutes.
2. Sprinkle with minced garlic and herbs (and salt and pepper and cheese, if you're me and attempted to commit this recipe to memory and winged it when you realized you forgot). Roast for about 5 minutes longer (or until the kitchen begins to fill with the smoke of burning herbs and cheese on the bare spots of the pan), until herbs are fragrant and the garlic is lightly browned.
3. Deviate from the recipe complete and realize later that it's completely pointless to continue writing out the proper instructions when you clearly didn't listen. Eat happily and be grumpy and sad that people ate so much and didn't leave a huge pile for you.
4. Smile happily ate "make-again" requests and gloat about the virtues of real cheese.
5. Barter for more cheese that comes in brick form, rather than "pre-shredded." Remember to use the cheese grater as a point in your favor (i.e. "Why do we own it if we don't use it? It's there for a reason!")
6. Promptly be ignored.

Anyway, back to the fries.
I generally don't like Parmesan, but there are certain flavors that I find it works beautifully with. If you give me steamed broccoli and top it with parm, I probably won't eat it. If you give me a pizza with roma tomatoes, basil leaves, and olive oil on a delightfully tender crust, topped with Parmesan and some other cheese that I've forgotten the name of (this is a Margherita pizza at Lui Lui's), I will devour it with great enthusiasm.
Like all cheeses, Parmesan has it's proper applications and some people abuse it while others forget it entirely. Unfortunately, I'm guilty of forgetting it almost entirely until I find it in my mouth. And I'm sorry for that, as I often label parm as a cheese that I hate when really I just under-appreciate it's glory when I have it in a dish that I like.
What really makes this dish work is the combination of the still pungent, half-cooked garlic and the parm. The herbs really are stuck playing second fiddle, but are still noticeable and delicious. While my fries did not come out golden brown, or perfectly crisp, they were wonderfully tender and an absolute tactile joy.
So, while I can't say that I'll use parm a whole lot now, I can say that this particular side dish/snack/binge food holds a special place on my list of amazing potato-based based foods. I will definitely be making this again, and soon.

The Do-Over

This, my friends, is my late night dinner.

So, I'm pleased to report, I'm not ill. I appear to have dodged food poisoning.
With this happy news, I felt the need to try again at cooking for the day. No one felt like making dinner (it was 95°F) so I was hungry and decided to cook (because I'm insane).
So this is it. It's quick, it's simple, it's amazingly tasty.

Sauteed Salmon and Veggies
Serves 2. But I'm hungry.

1/2 medium onion, diced
1/4 yellow pepper, diced
1 small can of salmon (in water)
salt
pepper
parsley
grapeseed oil

Directions:
1. Warm up pan and grapeseed oil.
2. Add onion and yellow pepper, cooking until 2/3 done.
3. Drain salmon and add fish to pan, mashing with a wooden spoon to ensure even distribution.
4. Add a dash of salt and as much pepper as you like.
5. Cook only until salmon is warmed through (canned fish comes pre-cooked, I think).
6. Serve and top with parsley.

Things That Lurk

If only this were so innocent as it looked.

So, today has inspired rage and disgust in a number of ways, as well as a minor concern for myself. See that little bowl of rice? That was going to be part of a recipe that I was going to feature on my blog. It was also intended to be my lunch.
Yet, for some bizarre reason, I don't trust my nose. So this post is all about kitchen hazards and trusting your nose. As many of us know, chicken stock was the preferred medium for growing bacterial cultures before agar-agar was used, primarily because it was pH neutral and contained adequate nutrients.
Ideally, I would've remembered this when I went to start my rice. Maybe you'll see why.

Chicken Tinged Rice with Cloves
Serves an unknown number, as it was swiftly discarded.

1 cup chicken broth
1 cup water
1 cup white rice
liberal pinch of cloves

No directions, as they're just not worth posting at the moment. Just make it like you'd typically make rice. If you make rice.
So, the part where I should've just trusted my nose.... If you open up your (untouched) carton of chicken brother, and you're greeted with a scent reminiscent of dragon flatus, THROW IT AWAY. Don't just assume that it's something else. And don't let yourself be placated into believe that maybe there's a dead mouse under the fridge.
Furthermore, don't assume that cooking it will necessarily kill anything living it (as there obviously is). So... I'm a fool.
I cooked. I ate. I tasted nothing identifiably suspicious.
I rethought, I double-checked the scent of the broth, I threw everything away.
Current health status: slightly nauseous (but that's in my head, I think). Otherwise healthy. Missing lunch, end of the week prevents a do-over.
The lamentable thing is that we have four more cartons of the stuff, and two ancient ones at the back of the fridge.
So, Pasteur and Lister, if ever you come back to life, I have PLENTY of chicken broth for you.

Something AMAZING

Guess what I'm making?

Okay, so I confess. The egg obsession continues.
I like eggs. I like adding things to eggs. I like all the possible combinations (my computer is insisting that combinations is not a word), and I like eggs every way I've ever had them. Omelets clearly being my favorite.
Doing four miles of biking every day, though, my body craves protein, and drives me towards the nearest protein-y foods (like peanut butter. And eggs.) and demands that I eat. Who am I to say no?
As some of you may have noticed, I bought basil yesterday for that failure of a smoothie. Thankfully, awesomely, I had some leftover for today and didn't really feel like giving the V8 a second chance. It's just a waste of good basil (well, goodish, the Co-op's selection wasn't great) and garlic. So, I decided to spoil myself with another omelet.
What makes this omelet different from the others is that, while the others are entirely edible and delicious, this one takes the cake. In fact, this is possibly the best omelet I've ever had, and easily my FAVORITE omelet now. However, there is one thing that could make it better. See that white square in the upper left hand portion of the photo? Yeah, let's replace that with a pile of mozzarella, please. Preferably fresh.
This omelet was smooth, and bright with little dark notes. It's well suited for anyone who'd happily just sit in front of the TV with a bag of basil leaves, nomming away. Or anyone who's favorite sandwich is just basil pesto smeared on bread. Or anyone who would rather have a bouquet of basil than a bouquet of roses for Valentine's day. Eh, I'm just talking about myself here.


The Princess Omelet
Serves 1 really greedy princess.

1/2 small onion, diced
1/10 red pepper, diced (I wasn't in a peppery mood, but still wanted pepper)
1 handful of basil leaves, fresh and chiffonaded
1 slice American cheese (or a handful of mozzarella)
2 eggs
black pepper
butter for the pan

Directions:
1. Dice all vegetables and basil, set aside while enjoying the delicious fragrance of basil filling the kitchen and even overpowering the onion (is my onion lazy?).
2. Crack eggs into a bowl, whisking with a fork. Add a very generous amount of ground black pepper, and whisk some more.
3. Heat pan, preferably teflon (I'm too scared to use the cast iron pan for eggs, even though I've seen Will and Julia [Ms. Child] do it easily), buttering the bottom. Users of canola spray or Pam, just go away. Don't look at my blog again, you're a disgrace to foodies everywhere.
4. Pour in eggs.
5. Wait thirty seconds after adding the eggs, shaking the pan gently. Add filling. I, refusing to stick to omelet protocol, cover the whole surface of the eggs, rather than just half or one third. I also added my filling in this order (first item at the bottom, last at the top): cheese (in strips), basil, red peppers, onions.
6. Gently poke around the edges of the pan to make sure your eggs are not sticking and to make sure you'll be able to get your spatula under the damn thing. If you make a mess, that's okay, it's still edible. When the bottom has solidified slightly, attempt to flip it in half. I made a mess of this as I always do.
7. After cooking for another minute or so, flip the entire thing over to cook the other side somewhat.
8. When done, flip your omelet out onto a pan and bask in its glory for a moment before diving in with great greediness and vigor.

For those of you getting tired of my egg obsession, don't worry. We only have three eggs left in the carton until Friday. There's a good reason why my mother buys 18 eggs a week. Hopefully soon I'll be able to do something interesting as a main dish. Some things in the garden are ready to be harvested (lettuce mostly, but if it's more than Boston lettuce or iceberg I have an idea, sort of), so maybe there will be a post with some fresh veggies.

Things I Eat When I'm Lazy and Poor Planning

Been having a few lazy days when it comes to cooking (and eating). So, I figured I might as well tell you what I eat when I'm lazy. Laziness, obviously, is when my diet goes all to hell.
As shown above, I rather enjoy half a cinnamon raisin bagel slathered with Nutella when I'm too lazy to make breakfast (i.e. all those eggs I cook are usually lunch or dinner).
When I'm too lazy to make lunch, I'll usually wander around and make a PB&J or just not bother eating. So what? BREAKFAST was the most important meal of the day.
And, if I'm too lazy to make something half decent for dinner, or just too impatient, I'll make a damn omelet. Because, as I believe I've proven, I like eggs in many of their known incarnations.
Today, in feeling lazy and wanting something flavorlicious, I made this:


I feel as if I should've thought this one through a little more before experimenting. However, after getting home from my first meeting with a psychologist, I didn't feel like waiting and I had come home with a bag of basil anyway.

Yet Another Failed Attempt At Awesome
Idea stolen from some smoothie place that Will goes to.
Serves 1.

11 oz. V8 juice (because there appears to be no such thing as TOMATO juice)
2 stalks celery
1 large clove garlic, peeled
1 handful fresh basil
1 blender that refuses to do its job

Directions:
1. Add all ingredients to the blender (except the blender itself, you only have one to work with here).
2. Blend.
3. Pour into a glass and wonder why there are still chunks.

To be entirely honest, this ALMOST works for me. I enjoy the garlicky flavor and the basil flavor, but V8 is entirely the wrong tomato substitute. The consistency of V8 is nice enough for a smoothie, but is all out of whack as far as it's flavor profile goes. It's a little heavy on the celery and carrot side, while I want it to generally NOT have those things and just be a tomato juice. I think if I used just tomato juice instead of V8, and had a blender that could ACTUALLY liquify things, then this could be an awesome smoothie, as gross as it looks.
Experiments shall resume tomorrow if the basil lasts that long.

That Which Is What I Will Not Call It

So, still no comments. Oh woe is me.
I know I have at least three readers. I think. Oh well, if no one reads me then I shall exist for my own amusement. So there.
Tonight's meal.... confusing in the best way. Think utter boredom, no inspiration, and a very disappointing grocery haul. Somehow, I turned out something that was completely yummy.
Here it is, the shockingly under-estimated thing that I refuse to call by it's proper name!

Caitlin's Not-Sauce Yumtasticness
Serves 3.

1 medium onion, diced
1/2 yellow pepper, diced
1 small potato, diced supah-fine
14.5 oz canned diced tomatoes, strained and pureed
dried oregano
dried basil
black pepper
garlic (optional. You will never see this be optional on my blog again!)
grapeseed oil
mozzarella

Directions:
1. Dice onions and dump into a preheated stainless steel pan with grapeseed oil (I'm elegant about this, aren't I?). Allow onions to sweat for a few minutes before adding potato and pepper.
2. Puree tomatoes in blender (using the puree setting!), adding garlic if desired. (Trust me, I desired garlic, but the stuff in a jar just doesn't do it for me.)
3. Add pureed tomato to vegetables and mix gently (if you're too rough it'll slosh).
4. Season with oregano, basil, and black pepper in whatever proportions you desire. I happen to like 1 part oregano, 2 parts basil, 1/2 part black pepper. Stir in.
5. Walk away and watch TV for 45 minutes, returning periodically to stir.
6. When potato pieces are cooked through, serve into a bowl (and don't forget to turn off the burner on the stove), and top with mozzarella. Allow to soften for about 30 seconds and then stir in.

Mozzarella stirred in. Just waiting to be nommed on.

Chipmunk cheeks because I'm chewing a mouthful of veggies while trying not to lose the mozza!

So, the best part of this dish is that it tastes remarkably like pizza. Not a huge surprise, given that all the ingredients (with the exception of potatoes, traditionally) are normal pizza ingredients. Still, it makes for an awesome pasta-less dish that has the potential to be v*gan (you just have to be a cheese-hating jerk. Disclaimer: This blog is not aimed at v*gans and is not particularly v*gan friendly. Disclaimed, bitches.). Yum yum yum.
Now go make this!
It's so simple that it could easily be taken for granted, but it's AMAZING.
Also, to explain the potatoes, because it has come to my attention that I need to explain them... I had initially intend to make a mini curry, but then it occurred to me that I couldn't remember the spice blend and couldn't be bothered to thaw and brown chicken breasts, and really just didn't want curry.
So there.

Please, for God's sake, don't try this at home

Kitchen rule number one: Don't cook while angry, harboring some form of vendetta, or glaring hatefully at someone else's cooking.
Kitchen rule number two: Don't think that you can make pre-packaged mixes into anything even remotely "gourmet."
Kitchen rule number three: Don't even try to eat it when you realize it's inedible.

I've broken all three kitchen rules.
I shamefully hang my head and admit that I did something stupid. I made something that was poorly thought out and I thought would look pretty and, surprise, it was nigh inedible.

It looks like really bad macaroni and cheese with shrimp thrown in.

So, care to know what my mistake was? Let's see if you can figure it out.


Any guesses? No?
Okay, I'll tell you.

That Gross Thing I Tried to Feed Myself and Ended Up Feeding the Trashcan
One trashcan.

1 cup elbow noodles
1 cup shrimp, de-tailed
2 tbsp grapeseed oil
1 Old El Paso Fajitas flavor packet

I can't go on. You already know this is a bad idea.
Let us merely say that I attempted to make a sauce that I shouldn't have tried to make. I even attempted eating it. I further went on to attempt to dilute my "sauce" with water.
Let's just say that this was a bad idea, and I promise I won't do it again if you promise not to try it. Ever. Deal?
Let's just say that I ended up with a sauce that was composed of concentrated fajita mix (which, by the way, is meant for chicken), over noodles and shrimp. In some weird alternate universe, it might've worked on the shrimp, but it's just crazy to have it over noodles.
I don't know what I was thinking...
Oh wait, yes I do.
I was thinking I'm too goddamn lazy to make a proper garlic-butter sauce, so let's just try something random.
I have problems. Really, I do. Here they are, in list form with no particular ordering because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second:
1. No tempura.
2. No udon.
3. No sugar.
4. No vinegar.
5. The Thing That Lurks, plus Thing One, and Thing Two.
6. Chicken.
7. No garlic.
8. Pre-made tomato sauce/no diced tomatoes.
In no particular order because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second.

Back to the Eggs

Yes, the crazy lady hath finally posted a photo of the eggs.

Okay, so these aren't QUITE the same eggs I posted about a few days ago. The technique is the same, we're just out of onions and I used a different cheese.
That yellow mass coming out of the right side is NOT cheese, that would be yolk. I was rather ungraceful in my flipping. However, delicious nonetheless. And if you say it looks over-cooked, then I will come and stab you. I like my eggs browned like that, especially when they're cooked in a liberal amount of butter.
So. Now you know what a crazy person's eggs look like.
It would go nicely with black tea if I hadn't tripped over the cat.

Cooked Cukes and Muffins for Breakfast

My cheap store-brought breakfast.

So, I like muffins for breakfast.
Yeah. I know they're not healthy or anything, but they're filling and comforting. It probably has to do with the fact that all a muffin really is is a miniature, personal-sized cake. In particular, I have a soft-spot for store-bought muffins. You know, those cheap grocery stores that claim they have a bakery, but everything looks like crap? Yeah, that kind.
The downside to muffins for breakfast... they fuck with my blood sugar. A few hours later and I've got the shakes because my body has no energy. So, time for some veggies!
I know I'm crazy here, but this is honestly just an experiment....

Its so pretty!

Around lunch-time (which for me was 1pm), I started wandering around looking for veggies to cook in some fashion or another. I really have no concrete plan when I make lunch. So, what I found were halves of peppers left over from my Rainbow Mock-Fajitas, and a cucumber that I obviously forgot existed (it was still firm enough to be edible).
So I'm standing there with the fridge wide open, wondering why the hell no one ever cooks cucumbers. In this house, you eat them raw with some form of salad dressing, or doused in vinegar... or as a pickle. But they're never cooked. There's nothing wrong with cooking them in my opinion. Yes, they're mostly water, but so are peppers and we cook those all the time.
So, hesitantly going back and forth as to what I wanted to do, this is what happened:

Pepper Saute with Cooked Cucumbers
Serves two.

1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1/2 yellow bell pepper, diced
1/2 cucumber, diced
paprika
ginger
Sriracha chili sauce (still not hot, unfortunately)
grapeseed oil

Directions:
1. Oil pan and set flame to medium heat. Toss in peppers and stir around while debating what to do about cucumbers.
2. Dice and toss in cucumbers once peppers are half cooked. Lower flame slightly.
3. Add paprika and ginger, stirring for even distribution.
4. When cooked, remove from pan and top with Sriracha, stirring for distribution.
5. Be indecisive as to whether or not you actually like this.

This dish definitely has its good points and its bad points and has answered my question.
People don't cook cucumbers because they're morons who don't know how good it is.
Unfortunately, the pairing of cucumbers with ONLY peppers may have been poorly thought out. The dish itself is mildly spicy, but overall generally bland and disappointing.
To those who have eaten out with me (and this is just one person), the spice combination may seem like a poor attempt to make kimchi-ified Yama-esque cucumbers, which I'm incidentally craving. I'm also craving tempura and udon noodles, but that's beside the point.
There is nothing wrong with cooking cucumbers. They are just as delicious cooked as they are raw, and would be well complimented by a nice hollandaise sauce, bechamel sauce, or just ricotta.
I likely will not make this dish again. Like I said, just an experiment. However, given that cooked cucumbers are so good, I feel it necessary to put it out there that its okay to want to cook cucumbers and other foods that are primarily water. People eat grilled pineapple don't they?
Do we have grilled watermelon yet?

Deep, Dark Foodie Confessions

I'm afraid of making omelets.
I don't know why, but the very idea scares the crap out of me. I worry that it'll fall apart, that I'll merely have scrambled eggs with veggies and cheese (though I don't see how that's bad), or that I'll burn it horribly, or overfill it. Or, god forbid, undercook it!
Approximately one day after the disappearance of not one, but TWO, coffeecakes, I find myself craving eggs. Protein, protein, protein, fat. Yum.
So, in an act that you will soon realize renders my fear of omelets utterly irrational, I made fried eggs. Okay, no big deal, right?
The irrationality comes from the way I make fried eggs. Particularly the way I chose to make them today. I should have no reason to fear omelets.

A Crazy Person's Fried Eggs
Serves approximately one crazy person

butter
2 eggs
2 tbsp white onion, diced
as much damn cheese as you want
as much damn pepper as you want

Directions:
1. Lose all sense of what a fried egg is supposed to be or look like.
2. Decide that cheese and onion is a good idea for your fried eggs.
3. Lose the ability to flip your eggs (because you're too impatient to just wait for it to cook through) and end up folding the strange little mass of eggs that have puddled together, trapping cheese, black pepper, and onion inside.
4. Proceed to break yolks, cursing vigorously, and finally remember how to flip a damn egg.

Yes. I essentially made an omelet.
It was yummy, it was tasty, it wasn't even messy. And the fact is, it didn't even break. It WAS overstuffed, but I refuse to believe that anything overstuffed can really be a bad thing. Overstuffed turkey? Send that bird my way! I loves me some stuffing.
Anyway, no picture because I was hungry and didn't feel like sharing.

Apple Coffee Cake

My very obviously undercooked, second attempt at coffeecake.

Okay, admittedly this didn't start off as my recipe. It was snagged from Simply Recipes ages ago, but it needed to be fixed as soon as I tried it.
In my kitchen, there are lots of foods that are bought with enthusiasm and then go unloved and bad. Things like celery. Or lettuce. Or, in this case, apples. I do love apples, but there are only so many I can handle in a given time period. I've had my eye on those apples for a while, trying to figure out how to get rid of them. So, I chose to make something I had all the ingredients for (well, duh Caitlin). Apple coffeecake.
For starters, this was dead simple. Ever make pancakes? It's about that hard. Yeah. Simple.
I've technically made this twice, the first time I sort of followed the recipe. Proportions and everything were correct, but I'm terrible at following directions and missed something somewhere. It ended up okay, but it didn't feel like there was enough batter for the bottom and the top. It came out of the oven as this golden brown thing on the sides, but my cinnamon on top had gotten moist and dark brown. Icky looking.
So the peanut gallery (my brother and company) is there talking about how it looks like someone sh*t on it, cutting himself a slice, starting in on how ugly it is. Then he tastes it. He immediately stops and says "Oh my god." Insults ended there. Furthermore, he goes on to inhale at its gloriousness, and inhales some sugar and cinnamon, causing him to choke. Revenge of the coffeecake!
Anyway, the coffeecake very quickly disappeared into the mouths of two teenage boys, so I felt the need to make another one. I decided that this time, I'd double the amount of batter (using the same 9" pan with a carefully placed cookie sheet). The result was a fluffy, moist, slightly-undercooked (but not in an unpleasant way, and mostly in the middle) square of deliciousness.

Apple Coffee Cake
Modified from Simply Recipes by Caitlin
Should serve about 9, but we're all greedy here.

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt (I didn't change this from the original recipe, I don't like salted baked goods)
1 cup sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
11 tbsp. butter, room temperature
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup milk
2-3 medium sized baking apples, peeled, cored, and sliced*

*I cheated and used Macintosh apples. They're so much yummier than the Granny Smiths that were sitting in the pantry and turning yellow.

Directions:
1. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Grease a 9" square baking dish or a pie pan of equalish volume.
2. Mix together flour, baking powder, and salt. This is where Simply Recipes should've told me to set this aside and where I screwed up, I think.
3. In a separate small bowl (Oh, there it is.), mix 1/2 cup of sugar with cinnamon and set it aside. (No, I guess that wasn't it then...)
4. Beat butter with the remain sugar (Right, that's it). Beat in the eggs until blended. Add flour in THREE additions, alternating with milk, beating after each addition until combined. That's where I messed up, obviously, but it doesn't seem like it mattered a whole lot.
5. Pour half the batter into the bottom of the greased pan. You'll have to spread it out to make it fit, and you'll undoubtedly worry that you'll have too little or too much. Fear not, it's not so important as it seems.
6. Layer apples (coated in two thirds the cinnamony sugar mix) over your batter, fearlessly layering if necessary. We're aiming for one layer, but really, aren't apples delicious?
7. Pour over the remaining batter, which will also need to be spread. Sprinkle with remaining cinnamony sugar and stare in awe for 45 seconds at its beauty before you realize it's not ready to eat.
8. Bake in oven for 25-35 minutes (I recommend about 30-35 minutes, since this is kind of thick), or until golden brown and apples start to bubble at the edges.

In the future, I would not be opposed to having multiple, thicker layers of apple. The apple can easily go unnoticed in this dish (both ways that I made it), and I feel deserves a larger role. Regardless of the apple content, this dish isn't going to last more than a few hours in any house that has more than two people, so don't ask me how long it'll keep.
It's also worth noting that the cake itself is unspiced, which I found to be mildly upsetting. In the future, perhaps I'll see about spicing the cake. Spiced coffeecake sound good to anyone else?

Rainbow Mock-Fajitas

There are few foods that comfort me the way fajitas do. It's a meaty dish full of color and flavor, that keeps your stomach feeling warm for hours (and I promise it's not acid reflux). It's comforting on rainy days and sunny days alike.
Like most people in North America, my primary exposure to "Mexican" food was through Old El Paso salsa and flavor packets. This was such a hit and miss experience for me that I wasn't sure if I loved or hated Mexican food. I still don't know, because my exposure is still severely limited (we still use those stupid flavor packets and salsa, and all I can tell you is that I HATE tacos).
Those flavor packets were, to me, the equivalent of mystery meat. You don't know what's in it, but you're not sure if you even want to know. The fearless masochist that I am, I wanted to know. To be fair, there's nothing really bad in it. They're free of MSG, as far as I can tell, and their worst ingredient is silicon dioxide (sand). However, this doesn't change the fact that I want to control what goes into my mouth and how my food is prepared. I'm a control freak like that.
The two foods I feel the need to control the most are spaghetti and fajitas. Spaghetti will be addressed some other day, as I'm currently basking in the glory of something fajita-esque. There is nothing traditionally Mexican about these fajitas, but they taste to me as I think fajitas should taste. So, probably not like fajitas. In other words, this is my interpretation of fajitas.

Rainbow Mock-Fajitas
Serves 4 or so

2 chicken breasts
1/2 green bell pepper
1/2 yellow bell pepper
1/2 red bell pepper
2 small yellow onions
1/2 cup water
2 tbsp paprika
1 tbsp ginger
1 1/2 tbsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp Sriracha chili sauce (this is mostly to taste, mine wasn't hot)
grapeseed oil


Directions:
1. Cut chicken breasts into pieces of a desirable size (I like them fairly square and large). Cook in a large, preheated stainless steel pan with grapeseed oil. Be careful not to brown your chicken, you're just looking to cook it all the way through.
2. DICE THE VEGGIES! Or cut them however you want, I'm a dicing freak.
3. Once chicken is cooked all the way through, but still somewhat soft and moist, add all your veggies. Yes, all at once.
4. Add water (so that the Dijon and spices don't stick to the pan), and then go wild adding all spices and condiments. Timing isn't really too important in this recipe. Stir until everything is incorporated.
5. Allow to cook and reduce until you have a light sauce, or do what I do and just wait until the veggies are cooked and coated and then serve.

This recipe is, admittedly, a little heavy on the Dijon and may, in the future, be a little heavy on the ginger side. Anybody who has a homemade fajita recipe of their own, feel free to share! I'm always looking for better fajitas. This is just a little starter.
Enjoy!