That Which Is What I Will Not Call It

So, still no comments. Oh woe is me.
I know I have at least three readers. I think. Oh well, if no one reads me then I shall exist for my own amusement. So there.
Tonight's meal.... confusing in the best way. Think utter boredom, no inspiration, and a very disappointing grocery haul. Somehow, I turned out something that was completely yummy.
Here it is, the shockingly under-estimated thing that I refuse to call by it's proper name!

Caitlin's Not-Sauce Yumtasticness
Serves 3.

1 medium onion, diced
1/2 yellow pepper, diced
1 small potato, diced supah-fine
14.5 oz canned diced tomatoes, strained and pureed
dried oregano
dried basil
black pepper
garlic (optional. You will never see this be optional on my blog again!)
grapeseed oil
mozzarella

Directions:
1. Dice onions and dump into a preheated stainless steel pan with grapeseed oil (I'm elegant about this, aren't I?). Allow onions to sweat for a few minutes before adding potato and pepper.
2. Puree tomatoes in blender (using the puree setting!), adding garlic if desired. (Trust me, I desired garlic, but the stuff in a jar just doesn't do it for me.)
3. Add pureed tomato to vegetables and mix gently (if you're too rough it'll slosh).
4. Season with oregano, basil, and black pepper in whatever proportions you desire. I happen to like 1 part oregano, 2 parts basil, 1/2 part black pepper. Stir in.
5. Walk away and watch TV for 45 minutes, returning periodically to stir.
6. When potato pieces are cooked through, serve into a bowl (and don't forget to turn off the burner on the stove), and top with mozzarella. Allow to soften for about 30 seconds and then stir in.

Mozzarella stirred in. Just waiting to be nommed on.

Chipmunk cheeks because I'm chewing a mouthful of veggies while trying not to lose the mozza!

So, the best part of this dish is that it tastes remarkably like pizza. Not a huge surprise, given that all the ingredients (with the exception of potatoes, traditionally) are normal pizza ingredients. Still, it makes for an awesome pasta-less dish that has the potential to be v*gan (you just have to be a cheese-hating jerk. Disclaimer: This blog is not aimed at v*gans and is not particularly v*gan friendly. Disclaimed, bitches.). Yum yum yum.
Now go make this!
It's so simple that it could easily be taken for granted, but it's AMAZING.
Also, to explain the potatoes, because it has come to my attention that I need to explain them... I had initially intend to make a mini curry, but then it occurred to me that I couldn't remember the spice blend and couldn't be bothered to thaw and brown chicken breasts, and really just didn't want curry.
So there.

Please, for God's sake, don't try this at home

Kitchen rule number one: Don't cook while angry, harboring some form of vendetta, or glaring hatefully at someone else's cooking.
Kitchen rule number two: Don't think that you can make pre-packaged mixes into anything even remotely "gourmet."
Kitchen rule number three: Don't even try to eat it when you realize it's inedible.

I've broken all three kitchen rules.
I shamefully hang my head and admit that I did something stupid. I made something that was poorly thought out and I thought would look pretty and, surprise, it was nigh inedible.

It looks like really bad macaroni and cheese with shrimp thrown in.

So, care to know what my mistake was? Let's see if you can figure it out.


Any guesses? No?
Okay, I'll tell you.

That Gross Thing I Tried to Feed Myself and Ended Up Feeding the Trashcan
One trashcan.

1 cup elbow noodles
1 cup shrimp, de-tailed
2 tbsp grapeseed oil
1 Old El Paso Fajitas flavor packet

I can't go on. You already know this is a bad idea.
Let us merely say that I attempted to make a sauce that I shouldn't have tried to make. I even attempted eating it. I further went on to attempt to dilute my "sauce" with water.
Let's just say that this was a bad idea, and I promise I won't do it again if you promise not to try it. Ever. Deal?
Let's just say that I ended up with a sauce that was composed of concentrated fajita mix (which, by the way, is meant for chicken), over noodles and shrimp. In some weird alternate universe, it might've worked on the shrimp, but it's just crazy to have it over noodles.
I don't know what I was thinking...
Oh wait, yes I do.
I was thinking I'm too goddamn lazy to make a proper garlic-butter sauce, so let's just try something random.
I have problems. Really, I do. Here they are, in list form with no particular ordering because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second:
1. No tempura.
2. No udon.
3. No sugar.
4. No vinegar.
5. The Thing That Lurks, plus Thing One, and Thing Two.
6. Chicken.
7. No garlic.
8. Pre-made tomato sauce/no diced tomatoes.
In no particular order because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second.