Excuses, Excuses, Excuses...

So, if I still have any readers, you may have noticed my absence. Or maybe not. I am prone to disappearing occasionally. So here are my excuses.
Excuse number one: I moved recently.
Excuse number two: I've been busy. (No, not really.)
Excuse number three: I haven't done anything new. (Flat out lie.)
The truth: I just keep forgetting. I forget to take pictures of my food because I forget about my blog. By the time I remember, I've either eaten the food or I've mangled it beyond the point where it's at all photogenic.
So, here's what you've missed that I don't have pictures of; stuffed peppers, cod with browned butter (it was amazing), pulled pork (AMAAAAZING! I promise I'll make it again and take pictures this time), lactose-intolerant/carnivore stuffed shells, etc.
Recipes may or may not show up when these things cycle back around. Or I could post them soon because I do write this stuff down. The stuffed peppers weren't my cup of meat (and rice), but I've been informed that they were very good.
So, tonight I finally remembered to take a photo. It's a crappy photo, but a photo nonetheless and I suppose it kind of gets the point across.


Care to guess what it is?

Pork Chops with Applesauce
Serves 2.

2 pork chops (or other cut of pork)
1 Macintosh apple
1 1/2 cups apple cider, divided
cinnamon
allspice
nutmeg
cloves
thyme

Directions:
1. Core and dice apple (whether you skin it or not is up to you, I left the skin on), place in a frying pan with 1/2 cup of apple cider.
2. Add alllll spices and herbs (and 1 tbsp butter if you're not lactose intolerant or cooking for someone lactose intolerant).
3. Cook down until apples are mushy and mash with a potato masher. Add remaining cider and wait until it bubbles decently.
4. Add pork! Cook thoroughly, while rotating sides periodically and covering with applesauce. (By the end there will be very little applesauce remaining.)
5. Serve hot.

I served this with a mix of noodles and vegetables (which is apparently not a great pairing). I was slightly disappointed in this dish, overall, because the applesauce was fantastic but pork doesn't exactly infuse nicely with flavor the way beef does. At least, not in my experience.
So, I don't think I'd make this again. I'll always make apple sauce, I just don't want to make pork. Unless it's bacon.
So, here's a pretty pretty distraction that was lurking around on my camera:


Mmmm, pretty sandwich. Mozzarella, basil leaves, and cherry tomato grilled sammy (on oat bread). I could go for one now, that would make me forgive the stupid pork.

Please, for God's sake, don't try this at home

Kitchen rule number one: Don't cook while angry, harboring some form of vendetta, or glaring hatefully at someone else's cooking.
Kitchen rule number two: Don't think that you can make pre-packaged mixes into anything even remotely "gourmet."
Kitchen rule number three: Don't even try to eat it when you realize it's inedible.

I've broken all three kitchen rules.
I shamefully hang my head and admit that I did something stupid. I made something that was poorly thought out and I thought would look pretty and, surprise, it was nigh inedible.

It looks like really bad macaroni and cheese with shrimp thrown in.

So, care to know what my mistake was? Let's see if you can figure it out.


Any guesses? No?
Okay, I'll tell you.

That Gross Thing I Tried to Feed Myself and Ended Up Feeding the Trashcan
One trashcan.

1 cup elbow noodles
1 cup shrimp, de-tailed
2 tbsp grapeseed oil
1 Old El Paso Fajitas flavor packet

I can't go on. You already know this is a bad idea.
Let us merely say that I attempted to make a sauce that I shouldn't have tried to make. I even attempted eating it. I further went on to attempt to dilute my "sauce" with water.
Let's just say that this was a bad idea, and I promise I won't do it again if you promise not to try it. Ever. Deal?
Let's just say that I ended up with a sauce that was composed of concentrated fajita mix (which, by the way, is meant for chicken), over noodles and shrimp. In some weird alternate universe, it might've worked on the shrimp, but it's just crazy to have it over noodles.
I don't know what I was thinking...
Oh wait, yes I do.
I was thinking I'm too goddamn lazy to make a proper garlic-butter sauce, so let's just try something random.
I have problems. Really, I do. Here they are, in list form with no particular ordering because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second:
1. No tempura.
2. No udon.
3. No sugar.
4. No vinegar.
5. The Thing That Lurks, plus Thing One, and Thing Two.
6. Chicken.
7. No garlic.
8. Pre-made tomato sauce/no diced tomatoes.
In no particular order because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second.