Things I Eat When I'm Lazy and Poor Planning

Been having a few lazy days when it comes to cooking (and eating). So, I figured I might as well tell you what I eat when I'm lazy. Laziness, obviously, is when my diet goes all to hell.
As shown above, I rather enjoy half a cinnamon raisin bagel slathered with Nutella when I'm too lazy to make breakfast (i.e. all those eggs I cook are usually lunch or dinner).
When I'm too lazy to make lunch, I'll usually wander around and make a PB&J or just not bother eating. So what? BREAKFAST was the most important meal of the day.
And, if I'm too lazy to make something half decent for dinner, or just too impatient, I'll make a damn omelet. Because, as I believe I've proven, I like eggs in many of their known incarnations.
Today, in feeling lazy and wanting something flavorlicious, I made this:


I feel as if I should've thought this one through a little more before experimenting. However, after getting home from my first meeting with a psychologist, I didn't feel like waiting and I had come home with a bag of basil anyway.

Yet Another Failed Attempt At Awesome
Idea stolen from some smoothie place that Will goes to.
Serves 1.

11 oz. V8 juice (because there appears to be no such thing as TOMATO juice)
2 stalks celery
1 large clove garlic, peeled
1 handful fresh basil
1 blender that refuses to do its job

Directions:
1. Add all ingredients to the blender (except the blender itself, you only have one to work with here).
2. Blend.
3. Pour into a glass and wonder why there are still chunks.

To be entirely honest, this ALMOST works for me. I enjoy the garlicky flavor and the basil flavor, but V8 is entirely the wrong tomato substitute. The consistency of V8 is nice enough for a smoothie, but is all out of whack as far as it's flavor profile goes. It's a little heavy on the celery and carrot side, while I want it to generally NOT have those things and just be a tomato juice. I think if I used just tomato juice instead of V8, and had a blender that could ACTUALLY liquify things, then this could be an awesome smoothie, as gross as it looks.
Experiments shall resume tomorrow if the basil lasts that long.

Please, for God's sake, don't try this at home

Kitchen rule number one: Don't cook while angry, harboring some form of vendetta, or glaring hatefully at someone else's cooking.
Kitchen rule number two: Don't think that you can make pre-packaged mixes into anything even remotely "gourmet."
Kitchen rule number three: Don't even try to eat it when you realize it's inedible.

I've broken all three kitchen rules.
I shamefully hang my head and admit that I did something stupid. I made something that was poorly thought out and I thought would look pretty and, surprise, it was nigh inedible.

It looks like really bad macaroni and cheese with shrimp thrown in.

So, care to know what my mistake was? Let's see if you can figure it out.


Any guesses? No?
Okay, I'll tell you.

That Gross Thing I Tried to Feed Myself and Ended Up Feeding the Trashcan
One trashcan.

1 cup elbow noodles
1 cup shrimp, de-tailed
2 tbsp grapeseed oil
1 Old El Paso Fajitas flavor packet

I can't go on. You already know this is a bad idea.
Let us merely say that I attempted to make a sauce that I shouldn't have tried to make. I even attempted eating it. I further went on to attempt to dilute my "sauce" with water.
Let's just say that this was a bad idea, and I promise I won't do it again if you promise not to try it. Ever. Deal?
Let's just say that I ended up with a sauce that was composed of concentrated fajita mix (which, by the way, is meant for chicken), over noodles and shrimp. In some weird alternate universe, it might've worked on the shrimp, but it's just crazy to have it over noodles.
I don't know what I was thinking...
Oh wait, yes I do.
I was thinking I'm too goddamn lazy to make a proper garlic-butter sauce, so let's just try something random.
I have problems. Really, I do. Here they are, in list form with no particular ordering because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second:
1. No tempura.
2. No udon.
3. No sugar.
4. No vinegar.
5. The Thing That Lurks, plus Thing One, and Thing Two.
6. Chicken.
7. No garlic.
8. Pre-made tomato sauce/no diced tomatoes.
In no particular order because number five currently ranks as number one, with number one being a close second.

Cooked Cukes and Muffins for Breakfast

My cheap store-brought breakfast.

So, I like muffins for breakfast.
Yeah. I know they're not healthy or anything, but they're filling and comforting. It probably has to do with the fact that all a muffin really is is a miniature, personal-sized cake. In particular, I have a soft-spot for store-bought muffins. You know, those cheap grocery stores that claim they have a bakery, but everything looks like crap? Yeah, that kind.
The downside to muffins for breakfast... they fuck with my blood sugar. A few hours later and I've got the shakes because my body has no energy. So, time for some veggies!
I know I'm crazy here, but this is honestly just an experiment....

Its so pretty!

Around lunch-time (which for me was 1pm), I started wandering around looking for veggies to cook in some fashion or another. I really have no concrete plan when I make lunch. So, what I found were halves of peppers left over from my Rainbow Mock-Fajitas, and a cucumber that I obviously forgot existed (it was still firm enough to be edible).
So I'm standing there with the fridge wide open, wondering why the hell no one ever cooks cucumbers. In this house, you eat them raw with some form of salad dressing, or doused in vinegar... or as a pickle. But they're never cooked. There's nothing wrong with cooking them in my opinion. Yes, they're mostly water, but so are peppers and we cook those all the time.
So, hesitantly going back and forth as to what I wanted to do, this is what happened:

Pepper Saute with Cooked Cucumbers
Serves two.

1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1/2 yellow bell pepper, diced
1/2 cucumber, diced
paprika
ginger
Sriracha chili sauce (still not hot, unfortunately)
grapeseed oil

Directions:
1. Oil pan and set flame to medium heat. Toss in peppers and stir around while debating what to do about cucumbers.
2. Dice and toss in cucumbers once peppers are half cooked. Lower flame slightly.
3. Add paprika and ginger, stirring for even distribution.
4. When cooked, remove from pan and top with Sriracha, stirring for distribution.
5. Be indecisive as to whether or not you actually like this.

This dish definitely has its good points and its bad points and has answered my question.
People don't cook cucumbers because they're morons who don't know how good it is.
Unfortunately, the pairing of cucumbers with ONLY peppers may have been poorly thought out. The dish itself is mildly spicy, but overall generally bland and disappointing.
To those who have eaten out with me (and this is just one person), the spice combination may seem like a poor attempt to make kimchi-ified Yama-esque cucumbers, which I'm incidentally craving. I'm also craving tempura and udon noodles, but that's beside the point.
There is nothing wrong with cooking cucumbers. They are just as delicious cooked as they are raw, and would be well complimented by a nice hollandaise sauce, bechamel sauce, or just ricotta.
I likely will not make this dish again. Like I said, just an experiment. However, given that cooked cucumbers are so good, I feel it necessary to put it out there that its okay to want to cook cucumbers and other foods that are primarily water. People eat grilled pineapple don't they?
Do we have grilled watermelon yet?